v-day

I want to scream, and scream every obscenity I know. I'm trying to not dwell on the fact im the last single person of my entire adult family, minus an aunt and uncle that dont count. I feel like everyone if worried about me. But I'm fine, really. And fine is okay. Some days I wanna cry, but that's ok too. I think some people question my toughness/weakness state. And I guess I don't give myself enough credit or too much credit. Well who really knows. Can anyone adequately measure and figure out exactly where they stand? I doubt it. Some days I wish certain things turned out differently, and I wish I didn't try to rush my life. I wish I hadn't/didn't wish for the next step. Can't I take a f***ing breath and enjoy what I have? Can't I stop questioning every single step I'm taken or took? I guess this is my valentines blues. And a fucking dozen red roses, and chocolate, and bath salt, from a boy with a fucking fiance. That's whats bullshit. Kinda ironic that v-day is a holiday based on love, and for those in love its exactly that, but in actuality v-day was a massacre and to those who are single its just that. A massacre of the heart.