Thanksgiving

sI can seriously not believe its thanksgiving already, and the day is over. The past year has been the best of times and the worst of times, but i look back and the good outweighs the bad in some things, and in others i find it worse. But that is life with the good and the bad. Reflecting on the thanksgiving meal, it takes hours and sometimes days to make, then have you ever realized its gone within 20 mins, and your stuck with the leftovers for days. This was one year that i did absolutely no cooking, I straightened up my house! and it was completely ok with me that i didnt cook. Yana, my madre, tab and morgan did an excellant Job! We all go to Yana's and i feel like one day, when we are all grown up, everyone will be at my house, and it will just be the best of times, I cant wait for ten years from now and we all look back and are just amazed about everything that has happened in our lives. Ok venture inside my brain for a second, It will help explain this more.........Ten years from now i see myself hopefully, im my cute little house, with ,maybe a husband, ill be 27, my sisters and their children, i doubt ill have kids yet, but us all at my house, which is warm and colorful, enjoying our thanksgiving then putting up the christmas tree, and watching movies and playing games and talking about all of our fantastic thanksgivings we had. I want to start traditions, im all about that cozy feeling of doing the same things every year because thats the way it is. Just like cookie day!..........ok back to the real world........ I havent been sleeping enough, but im okay with that actually, its weird i know........I feel like my life is about to change drastically and im not sure if i like it, but at the same time im really welcomeing the change from the everyday monotony, I feel like i am all over the place, and i feel like i cant stay focused very well, i dont think this is that good. Changes that are taking place are, my aunt comes wednesday........bryan will be leaving sometime next weekend, this is crushing my world, and Part of me is happy because it will make my life a bit easier, and every kid does deserve to be with their mom, but i just want her to f*** up too, so he comes back, but i dont at the same time, it confuses me, and i just feel like when should i get close to people if they just leave then leave this huge whole that i have to try and fill with something, and i dont want this to make me resentful, and it to close me off, because that has happened before. I want to be able to love other people and not be scared they will leave, i guess this is just something i will have to work on........ I'm sick of superficial friendships. They really bring me down, like some of my best friends i havent talked to in about a week, and we havent had a real indepth conversation sice long before that, and i dont like when that becomes ok, it frustrates me. College! wow im really excited for it, and im almost there, i need to stop my procrastination and do what i need to do, because i have things that i really feel i need to do. On a differant note, I realized how much i appreciate my mom today, she is the most incredible woman i know, and Im so proud of her. And wow i love her, and i forget this sometimes, well not that i forget that i love my mom but i forget how much and how truely incredible she is and how much she loves me. I will never be able to thank god enough for her. She has been through so much, and she continues to put other people before herself, and still try to make herself a better person. She sees hard things and she faces them head on. I could go on forever describing how amazing she is, she has taught me to much, and for that i am truly grateful. I met a very cute child today, and i instantly loved him the moment i saw him. and it was so cool, that there was this instantanious connection, and i found that to be amazing! Im really thankful for all the people that are in my life right now, and just being able to wake up each day, having no one to look down on me. Im starting to feel free, and i want to ride the wind, fly like a bird, take a road trip, swim in the beach, hug a friend, taste the snow, see the northern lights, dream of my future, paint in black and white, surf the waves, fall asleep laughing. oh another thing, im dog sitting. Good night my loves

blog time

ok so time for an update on my life.....
Im starting too miss all my friends that i never get to see, good thing some of them come home soon from college, but Im trying to fix my missing of friends that are here but i never see, hence when im so glad john is here. So my grades are not up to the level i like them to be, what i will be working on fixing for the next 5 weeks. I've already made it 1/4 of the way through senior year! I get my SAT scores back next week, which im sure will tell me that i need to retake them in January, but i'll cross that bridge when i get there. Also i realized this week i seriously should start saving my money. Because college will be expensive. Bryan is leaving in about 2 1/2 weeks, that is making me sad, but if its what Giod wants it will be ok. I am once again brodening my musical horizons, its somethng i never really stop doing i just get lazy. No more laziness for me though. I think thats just about it, good night my loves

its been a while since ive wrote something, yeah im bored with my life, i started making decisions that were starting to really screw up my life, i dont like that, so im on the road to recovery i guess you could say, I found myself becoming exactly the kind of person i always hated. I feel like a hypocrite. Im starting now and trying to get back to what really matters. I feel like this is a never ending cycle i find myself in. I think i need to slow down and smell the flowers, take a breath, and realize all these wonderful things around me that keep happening. I feel lost......I dont like that....I feel like im going in a million differant directions. And I realized some other things to, about how i just cant let go of stuff that i really should, i dont like that. And its not like i can blame in on anyone but myself. I realized this week, or today, my procrastinating needs to stop, I have all these things i want to do, Three careers i want before i die, and the way im going now it wont be happening, so im changing that too, or at least trying to. If procrastinating is in my genetic make-up i think its a harder task than i think. I realized i've been really self absorbed, and just selfish, its stupid and i hate myself for that. So as of now, or earlier im turning over a new leaf, im not exactly sure what that means but, Im going to do things i truly love, and hang out with people that want to be good people like me, not people that corrupt me, Im going to be a good friend, and not self absorbed, well this is my hope and dreams for tonight