sugarcane in the easy morning

I can say that i love saturday's with nothing to do, my saturday afternoon i spent outside trying to help steven fix my car, trying is the key word, and yes i was freezing my butt off, but i look back and its one of the best afternoons i had in awhile, even though it was filled with frustration. So results of the afternoon were that i now have a new battery, new spark plugs, new air filter, and we put more oil in the car, but it still isnt running :( I am 2 midterms and 1 final away from being halfway done with senior year, and 2 months till im 18, its super exciteing but scary at the same time, but i know what im doing at least, yay! God is incredible! and im so incredibly happy and i cant explain exactly why, im at complete and utter peace, and it is incredible. night my loves

Someday it will bring me back to you

Sunday, sometimes i hate them, like today, i didnt go to church something i usually am a very big fan of, i slept and shoveled and then went to work after my lazy afternoon, thats what this weekend was full of. which is nice because next weekend will be very full, im excited for that
ok update on the rest of my life
Yesterday, i got a letter from my aunt, and my inheritance from my grandpa who died 10 years ago, it has me thinking about where i was 10 years ago and just how my life is completely differant now, and it makes me really miss him even though i didnt have that deep of a relationship with him, he is helpng to make me into the person i will be another 5 years down the road i will look back at my college experience and know it would have been really tough without his help, i just wish he could see who i am today. so im finishing my application to new paltz this week, i went through this whole time of doubting every decision i thought i had made, no more doubting. I applied to camp!!! YAY! Hopefully i will be spending my summer at the greatest place on this earth, and my second home, with al the people i love sooooo much, doing what i love and being surrounded by My God! you have no idea how happy that makes me, its happiness almost to the point of tears. Im starting to miss people, and giving up others, i've been feeling a little helpless, but its changing. I complicate things far to often, and stress myself out, thats not good. i just need to calm down. Things are going to be great because im not the one planing them, they are already planned. the other night i was looking at pictures of bry, and i miss him, part of me is gone, and i think its just now hitting me, i feel like i need all these people around me and im not sure why like i need their emotional suppport, its not even like im feeling emotionally weak.....its confusing. i know just what i need i just dont know how to find it anymore. Next week is excel, im excited, i need that, I need time with my dave zirilli and everyone else and i need time with morgan, i feel like i need to much, i dont know
so work
i really like it these days but just not the whole part of going to work, well school tomorrow and babysitting, and another week of being super busy..........

Fridays and Things

I am loving things right now, and i can say i have never felt this loved in my life, and so i say thank you to everyone that is around me. Im debating a bunch of plans right now for my life that all have to same end goal its just the same, its just debateing how to get there is the question........Oh well, i guess ill figure it out somehow. Now off to fulfill part of the plans for me life, just little everyday ones but they all add up to something big one day.....

Newness

New things scare me at times, but its the thing i absolutely want the most. I see my life opening up and becoming completely new, and its something I've always wanted but at the same time it makes me want to curl up in my bed and cry. Tomorrow 2009, will be my year, I can feel it. Maybe Im expecting to much but i doubt it, I have the feeling of this is the year i will prove myself, but I have nothing i need to prove. Maybe this is me proving things to myself. I have decided that I am going to stop this stupid procrastinating that I do, i hate it. I feel like someone looking at my life from the outside, they couldnt tell that i have passion about so many things and i really want to change the world, even if that is just my little slice of it, but I'm not limiting myself to just changing my piece of the world i want to change it all. I think that is something i will never be able to fully explain my passion for the world. I started to question my plans, and it scared me, I quess thats just a part of life right. Back to this being my year, I feel like I'm begining a whole new chapter, and its incredible, but scary, I feel like I'm making friends now that aren't just superficial,and years from now we might still be friends. I'm happy, and really anticipating everything. This year was incredible and went by so fast, I made amazing friends, had some really life changing experiences, that i wouldnt change for the world. Well for now im going

Snow!

I love snow and snow days!

Life

I love Life! Im coming, once again, to the realization I absolutely love my life! I love the people, the places, the good, and even the bad. I am going to do great things, and no one can hold me back. Im going to stop letting little insecurities hold me back from what i want! I 've had enough. My realization of the week!!!

oh man

so im realizing music is the antibiotic for me soul, well really playing instruments, just feeling it beneath your fingertips, and having something come out, its just the over feeling of beauty. Its the song of your soul. so how this realization started was with the piano, it eases me, just playing something does. John came over today, and he brought his guitar over, so i decided to get mine out and show him, and my love for my little piece of magic returned. the strings just send something straight to my heart and tell me the world is perfectly fine, or at least my world. So bryan left, and i miss him, he left a hole in my heart, but its ok. friday i went with tabatha to take him and my aunt to the city to take the train home. We Left at 3am so we are driving and listening to the Juno soundtrack, and one of the songs bry goes "this is a cowboy song" and we just laughed and said "yeah bry it is." that kid has his whole freakin life ahead of him and i just hope things get better for him. Also we went through the lincoln tunnel and i convinced him if he was quiet enough he could heard the water, fish and boats. He said that he could. Today I was cleaning my room i found a transformers walkie talkie, and it reminded me of all the times he was supposed to be in bed but he would bring the walkie talkie to me so he could talk to me....all these great memories i have from this little kid but i know this is best. Its just hard. Morgan and I were talking and we were discussing what we did before he came, we came to the resolution we were just plain nerds and did nothing. Thats changing.(new subject) I've started getting christmas presents, that makes me so happy, i love christmas. I need to rest sometimes, i run myself to hard, if going to try and balance things better. I think thats about it