21 on 3/21 at 3:21

can I get an Amen

I love my freakin life.

I feel like I somehow attract creepy guys recently and I don't like it.

Do I have a sign written on my forehead that I can't take care of myself.

Oh well.

v-day

I want to scream, and scream every obscenity I know. I'm trying to not dwell on the fact im the last single person of my entire adult family, minus an aunt and uncle that dont count. I feel like everyone if worried about me. But I'm fine, really. And fine is okay. Some days I wanna cry, but that's ok too. I think some people question my toughness/weakness state. And I guess I don't give myself enough credit or too much credit. Well who really knows. Can anyone adequately measure and figure out exactly where they stand? I doubt it. Some days I wish certain things turned out differently, and I wish I didn't try to rush my life. I wish I hadn't/didn't wish for the next step. Can't I take a f***ing breath and enjoy what I have? Can't I stop questioning every single step I'm taken or took? I guess this is my valentines blues. And a fucking dozen red roses, and chocolate, and bath salt, from a boy with a fucking fiance. That's whats bullshit. Kinda ironic that v-day is a holiday based on love, and for those in love its exactly that, but in actuality v-day was a massacre and to those who are single its just that. A massacre of the heart.

bulllshitssss

................

ohh buddy

Im going out Saturday.... I'm really excited! Also classes start this week! :) A week from right now ill be sitting in class.

I need to learn and be patient and just take things as they come.

2012

What do I want to do this year?

I want to completely live in my own skin. I want to wake up everyday and be truly grateful that I am alive. I want to try new things, and take a little risk. I want to be so into Jesus, and learn to fully trust him in everything. I want to make a radical change. I want to help people. I want to follow a calling. I want to fall in love, hopelessly and hold nothing back. I want to give my all to someone. In 2012 I will respect myself more. I will only seek to be around others who respect me just as much. If I get in a relationship I will make sure that I am an equal part of that, I will require them to be just as into me and give a shit as I do about what they think of me. I'm not going to care about the status quo, or how I measure up to the society around me. I want to change and evolve to become a much more rounded person.

This year I want to hope, dream, wish, love, leap, learn, and believe. I wish to commit my whole life to the plan God has for me and to completely stop worrying about. I want to immerse myself in Jesus.

Two Ooohhhh Eleven

My 2011 new years list - in all its explanations

- LOVE

I dated a really nice guy, that should have stayed as just friends. I think I almost fell back in love with someone I shouldn't have.
- laughs

A ton of laughs at everything!
- friends

Made the greatest new friends with my move! Only THE BEST FRIEND
- stupid decisions

6 whole months of stupid decisions

- fantastic decisions
I moved!

- direction

I think I found it
- hope

Hope in God

- dreams

I still have crazy ones
- education

I learned some neat things, about myself too
- hot boys

yeahhhh I like one now
- boys that aren't hot

lets not talk about those

- learning experiences

Isn't life full of them?
- cute kids

I worked with some awesome kiddies! That I still miss. I get to see Bry all the time!
- family

I'm around my fam all the time!
- God

I feel a ton closer to God! He's doing great things in my life!
- growing

I am growing a ton closer to God, and I'm growing closer to people!
- equality

I freakin' hate racism, so that is not working so well.
- open mindedness

I'm pretty open minded
- acceptance
- unique

I believe in pretty unique still!
- wholly
- CHANGE

There is always change

It was a pretty Fantastic year!