square one my slate is clean

when I lay my cards out on the table, all of them, every last one. And I'm met with an "ok" and my heart instantly drops. And all I need to know is where I stand. I just need to hear a yes or no. Feeling the same as you did before? Completely unsure? Never entertaining the thought? What does that mean? You walk me to my car. You take me to dinner. Your Aunt tells me "that's why we are such a great couple." But we haven't been that for months. Your Grandma asking if I'm coming to christmas at your great grandparents. Your mom saying just listen to me. Buying a coat I say looks cute on you. In your arms I feel safe.
What am I supposed to do exactly? Well here is the thing.....I don't have someone else barking up my tree, and honestly I don't want someone else. Before I let PMS ruin how I viewed you. And Joey coming in a giving me what you weren't giving me. Which was exactly what I didn't need. That was me slipping back into my old ways. So I was confused. But I still cared. And I still do care. And honestly You are great! Your so sweet to me, and really care about those around you. And You really love God. And you work pretty hard. You really don't ask for things to be handed to you. Honestly My heart could be one hundred percent into this. And I hate myself for saying it. I honestly could cry right now because I just wanna know how you feel. And I haven't felt this way in a long time. And the last time I felt like this my heart was torn to pieces. But Your a good man. And everyone around sees that. My mom knows this whole thing, and She sees how I'm being vulnerable, and she thinks you wont hurt me. But this is a risk for me. Considering in already in this. My personality is either in or out, and baby I'm in. But if I'm hurt, oh well, because what is life if you don't take any chances. And If I'm stuck waiting oh well, I'll move on. But if something wonderful comes out of this it was so worth it.
I just pray I'm not stuck not knowing for long, I don't want to endure this insecurity for long. It doesn't work to well for me.