yearly reflection.

Yearly reflection post, A day early since tomorrow Ill be getting shitfaced with my love. Let Us review last years reflection blog..... "What do I want to do this year? I want to completely live in my own skin. I want to wake up everyday and be truly grateful that I am alive. I want to try new things, and take a little risk. I want to be so into Jesus, and learn to fully trust him in everything. I want to make a radical change. I want to help people. I want to follow a calling. I want to fall in love, hopelessly and hold nothing back. I want to give my all to someone. In 2012 I will respect myself more. I will only seek to be around others who respect me just as much. If I get in a relationship I will make sure that I am an equal part of that, I will require them to be just as into me and give a shit as I do about what they think of me. I'm not going to care about the status quo, or how I measure up to the society around me. I want to change and evolve to become a much more rounded person. This year I want to hope, dream, wish, love, leap, learn, and believe. I wish to commit my whole life to the plan God has for me and to completely stop worrying about. I want to immerse myself in Jesus. " I believe I achieved all of these things. I loved....and loved the Idea of love. I actually found what I think at this moment is true love. I experienced a ton of heartache mostly that I put myself through. I figured out what and who is most important to me. I learned to mostly not care what people think of me. I lost 30 pounds and more to come.....change! I got a new tattoo. I bought A fuckin gorgeous dress that I will only probably wear once. I found my love for Jesus. I turned 21. I took trips and met some of the greatest people ever. I am equal in relationships. 2012 did me good!! I fucking finished a degree!!!! 2013...... What could I seriously want from this year. I have everything I want. Well I would like to wear my dress this year, but Im not betting on that. I woulod like my own house. But I am happy! Bottom line I AM HAPPY!!!!

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I can't believe tomorrow is Christmas eve! I went gambling yesterday, and drank and didn't do all that bad! This weekend was perfect. ;D don't even know how to express the happiness in this life!

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He is not safe, but He is good....... I was reminded of this today. And it got me thinking. God is not safe,fact. He is good, fact. Good things He brings often times look to us like they have risks. This being said, I think I live my life without risks. Th past few months I've hurt a lot of people. And I don't like that at all. I don't like the idea of leaving distruction in my wake. To misquote John Green. others may be a drizzle, and I may be a hurricane, but I don't wish to destroy. So with this in mind I came close to losing someone I really cared about because of my stupidity. There was a week my heart was broken, I thought I had lost my best friend in the whole world. Someone who put up with my insanity, and is everthing I like in a human being. So as I am pouring my heart put expressing my apologies and the hurt I am feeling, I get shown Grace. I saw Jesus's love in that. So this is not safe, but it is good. I know this because I can laugh all the time. I have my bestfriend around, who likes music and shows, hiking and movies, rockband and beer, my craziness and stupidity, my dorkiness and cuteness. So as I was laying in bed a few minutes ago, I can't help but cry, for no reason but that I'm happy. I was looking at a damn picture and I thought my heart would burst. That's how I know this is good.