oh man

so im realizing music is the antibiotic for me soul, well really playing instruments, just feeling it beneath your fingertips, and having something come out, its just the over feeling of beauty. Its the song of your soul. so how this realization started was with the piano, it eases me, just playing something does. John came over today, and he brought his guitar over, so i decided to get mine out and show him, and my love for my little piece of magic returned. the strings just send something straight to my heart and tell me the world is perfectly fine, or at least my world. So bryan left, and i miss him, he left a hole in my heart, but its ok. friday i went with tabatha to take him and my aunt to the city to take the train home. We Left at 3am so we are driving and listening to the Juno soundtrack, and one of the songs bry goes "this is a cowboy song" and we just laughed and said "yeah bry it is." that kid has his whole freakin life ahead of him and i just hope things get better for him. Also we went through the lincoln tunnel and i convinced him if he was quiet enough he could heard the water, fish and boats. He said that he could. Today I was cleaning my room i found a transformers walkie talkie, and it reminded me of all the times he was supposed to be in bed but he would bring the walkie talkie to me so he could talk to me....all these great memories i have from this little kid but i know this is best. Its just hard. Morgan and I were talking and we were discussing what we did before he came, we came to the resolution we were just plain nerds and did nothing. Thats changing.(new subject) I've started getting christmas presents, that makes me so happy, i love christmas. I need to rest sometimes, i run myself to hard, if going to try and balance things better. I think thats about it