Whole family next weekend.......what???
Saw him twice this weekend, when i didnt think i would see him at all......yay
liking my hair..........cute
being a pain........i love it
keeping secrets...........ohh fun
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
So I still havent heard from joey about his doc appointments today, and that makes me a little nervous and sad. I'm allowed to feel that right??? Ugh stupid stupid shit! Stupid stupid cancer. Things like that arent supposed to affect people I love.
On a happy note! I love being able to talk to a bog about Jesus. Its pretty sweet that we can seriously joke and be hateful, and be serious too!
On a happy note! I love being able to talk to a bog about Jesus. Its pretty sweet that we can seriously joke and be hateful, and be serious too!
Monday, September 19, 2011
hmmmmmmmm
So today was good and awful all in the same breath. I cried for a good 15 min, and it helps a little, but I still feel raw. Like something has been ripped and just left hanging there. But I just want him to tell me, but at the same time I want to be able to control my reaction, so this way I can. I am praying for him so much! Because no matter what he is my same joey, and so wonderful, but something is eating him from the inside out, and I just dont want to see someone i love being eaten alive.
Besides that, I had a really awesome day. And another day of no insecurities. And I think he feels the same way. From what I got from my momma, was that he was just as worried as I was! Too bad hes going to see his great grandparents this weekend :/
Lame......But he loves Jesus soo much and its really really awesome!
Halloween costume is a go!! ;] im keeping this one a secret! hehe
Besides that, I had a really awesome day. And another day of no insecurities. And I think he feels the same way. From what I got from my momma, was that he was just as worried as I was! Too bad hes going to see his great grandparents this weekend :/
Lame......But he loves Jesus soo much and its really really awesome!
Halloween costume is a go!! ;] im keeping this one a secret! hehe
Sunday, September 18, 2011
;D
well, well, well, look at that. Another week of work starts, this sucks! Can't we go straight to it being the weekend again please? What if I beg? Nope, that won't help! I guess I should just suck it up.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
When I'm weak, then I am strong
So Today was a ton of fun. And my insecurities are washed clear. I like a boy, and like this was about forever ago, thats a big deal. Well this kind of like is. Its not superficial, its deeper than that. The last time I've felt If I was a girl that liked people purely on looks, well thank Heaven I'm not and never have been or never will. It makes people incredibly shallow, and I would rather think of myself as the opposite of that. But I think this boy is so very cute, but Morgan doesn't but when was the last time we agreed on someones cuteness? Oh, Never. He's so funny, and nice, and smart. BLAH BLAH BLAH....... But his grandma was asking my mom if I really did like him, and his Aunt was sending pictures of us to his mom......hmmmmmmm. Sounds lke someone besides us is concocting a love potion.
What am I going to be for Halloween???? Oh the complexities of life. haha Teapot, or Superwoman, to my clark kent. Or something fabulous? hmmm
So It's my babys birthday tomorrow, He's going to be 8. I love that kid more than just about anything! And if I could i would buy him cloths and toys and take him places, and have things be like old times. I can't do that though, thats favoritism.
In Goshen there is a 8 yr old kid thats been missing since 5 my time. He's Autistic and non-verbal. It's kinda breaking my heart. Im just praying a lot for this boy and his family and for God to bring him home safely. Its just scary though. And Infuriating at the same time. What could his family be thinking, or did they let this/cause it. And if that didn't how could they let him out of their sight? This is a kid, and special needs on top of that. They are truly a treasure. This brings to mind the fragility of life.
Friday, September 16, 2011
dark blue, dark blue, have you ever been alone in a crowded room
I got to see a phlebectomy today. Its small incisions made in the leg, and the surgeon uses a crochet hook type tool and tiny plyers and pulls the varicose vein out and cuts part of it, and she pulls out tiny clots. The patients awake the whole time too. Insane
I literally feel like i did nothing today.
I get off work at three on fridays, and i feel like its a mini vacation! and It's wonderful! I went and bought beads!! and visited Morgan and Joey at work. And I felt really insecure today, and I really hate that feeling, and its not about my looks or personality. Its about something else. I get this feeling that I'm on the verge of really Fucking things up. And then I find out that someone I really appreciate in my life, thinks I'm awesome. And It;s a nice ego boost that I'm sure I don't need.
I feel like I am closer and farther away from the person I always wanted to be. Well, I shouldn't say farther away, I just never pictured some of the things I have happening in my life. It really is exciting though. I talk my self out of things I shouldn't be feeling a lot easier now, and I think I'm using my head more in some areas, and in others my heart just takes a leap and lands at the bottom of the ocean.
As for other matters not pertaining to the heart, there aren't any, I really pretty much feel everything. Its all part of my charm.
I literally feel like i did nothing today.
I get off work at three on fridays, and i feel like its a mini vacation! and It's wonderful! I went and bought beads!! and visited Morgan and Joey at work. And I felt really insecure today, and I really hate that feeling, and its not about my looks or personality. Its about something else. I get this feeling that I'm on the verge of really Fucking things up. And then I find out that someone I really appreciate in my life, thinks I'm awesome. And It;s a nice ego boost that I'm sure I don't need.
I feel like I am closer and farther away from the person I always wanted to be. Well, I shouldn't say farther away, I just never pictured some of the things I have happening in my life. It really is exciting though. I talk my self out of things I shouldn't be feeling a lot easier now, and I think I'm using my head more in some areas, and in others my heart just takes a leap and lands at the bottom of the ocean.
As for other matters not pertaining to the heart, there aren't any, I really pretty much feel everything. Its all part of my charm.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
so...
Life. Jobs. Family. Parents. Steps. Sisters. cousins. Babies. Future. House. Bed. Shower. Kitchen. Cookies. Pasta. Vegetables. Gardens. Flowers. Honey bees. Honey. Hives. Allergic reactions. Hospitals. Veins. Work. Craziness. Clumsyness. Trippin'. Memories. Dreams. Nightmares. Insomnia. Hitting my Head. Life altering.
Its kind of funny how everything circles around in my head. and I feel like im on the verge of something life alternating. And Sometimes I know its coming and sometimes I don't know that it is. I'm not sure if I always want to know, or i should say suspect. aAnd I'm not sure what kind of life alternating thing will be happening. I guess anything could be life alternating. A trip to work, or to the Gym, or to wal-mart, or really anything that is happening. A trip to the gas station, maybe i should go now. I'm just kidding. We will see what happens right???
Its kind of funny how everything circles around in my head. and I feel like im on the verge of something life alternating. And Sometimes I know its coming and sometimes I don't know that it is. I'm not sure if I always want to know, or i should say suspect. aAnd I'm not sure what kind of life alternating thing will be happening. I guess anything could be life alternating. A trip to work, or to the Gym, or to wal-mart, or really anything that is happening. A trip to the gas station, maybe i should go now. I'm just kidding. We will see what happens right???
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