soaking in

today is my day to soak in...........2009 is over I thought that would be my year, and in sooo many ways it was. But im looking forward to 2010 sooo much more.

2009-

I make a list every year of things i wanted to accomplish and they are usually stupid..like.......find a boy......or change.......or make friends..............or just graduate and start college...

well here is my list of what actually happened

I made the best of friends, as i look around and i have these friends who are my family......Its amazing

I have grown into adulthood, sort of, i made decisions that effect my entire life from here on out, and I have a pretty steady job

I changed, I even have the tattoo to prove it

I found the love of my life, when i was least expecting it

I graduated and started college, but that still feels unreal

Im pretty sure i embraced my entire life this year.

I met the most incredible people. I got to be apart of something that has changed my life.

dreams

My life of this moment is a dream. In color i might add. I am desperately trying to make them come true..........Its a wait and see kind thing to find out if im succeeding. I guess I'll tell you sometime in May.

Holiday!

YAY FOR HOLIDAYS! and as the english put it i am on holiday for the next week! I am ecstatic!!!!

monday

For once in my entire life Im ecstatic for monday! Im going on vacation with no one in my family and I cant wait for thanksgiving and wednesday!

tired

im tired and Im lonely cause i miss dom but its only another week I can make it right? haha i feel so stupid sometimes I used to talk about never needing a guy and now I know i dont NEED it, but it sure as hell makes me feel together and better and loved and happy and more alive

7

seven! the number of heaven i think. The days in a week. One of the numbers i hate most!

But i can do seven days. SEVEN DAYS! I see the love of my life!!! SEVEN DAYS! 1 WEEK!

Seperation sucks

I am missing my connecting puzzle piece ever so much. Everything reminds me of him.

But I CHanged my career choice yesterday, and this time im sticking with it. I'm going to be a x-ray tech and Im really excited. I think im going to school in SC starting in May. and I know everyone i know may think this is the stupidest thing i have every done or thought about doing but here are my reasons:

1. I want to be near the boy I love.

2. I get an education, a really good one.

3. It gives me a chance to grow up and be on my own, while only being away at school

4. Im doing what would make me happy, cause i dont want to live the rest of my life wishing i had done things that would have made me happy, or im not going to wait till im older to do what would make me happy just cause im older tomorrow isnt promised to me

5. Worse case senario, I don't like it there, I come home

6. Second Worse case senario we break up I come home

7. Best case senario, I live happily ever after

I'm praying alot, end of story

lazy

I have been such a lazy blogger these days......... its not that interesting things arent happening i just really forget to blog.

Im going to be driving the saturn from now on, my car failed to work with me last week. I popped a tire monday. I also found out that day that i had huge pieces of stuff hanging down, and the complete underside was rusted. and my inspection was up on wednesday. there was no way my car was going to pass, because it needed new tires, and it never starts well, and the mileage doesnt work and i had the check engine light on. So the amazing parents that i have decided i need to buy a new car, and dave would loan me what i didnt have. But my parents decide to buy the car for my mom and just give me mommys car so i didnt have to spend all my savings! YAY!!! now i just need to perfect driving standard so i can drive by myself again. that was the drama of last week.

Oh I got blood taken wednesday and my hand is still bruised. Two more weeks and i hopefully find out for sure about all my medical problems. That requires hardcore prayer on my part.

So Ive been working on christmas presents already! Im excited!

Dom leaves tomorrow :(

60th post

I am in love with my life and school and not so much with work though. I have blood work tomorrow, I am not happy. I have these weird medical problems recently, I dont like this. I also have had to give up carbs. this is terrible. But I do like the fact that I have someone to be with me no matter what is going on. I always have a summer playlist, and this summer it didnt formulate the way it should have but christine inspired me! so I think Im going to make a new playlist for my zune!

I am a greek goddess for halloween! I have the first party saturday! Even though I kinda want to be at the boys show, that john is opening instead! oh well Im being a good daughter! I have recently become an awful friend! I forgot to call my bestie today, and I feel all scattered! I need to find something to fill my free time as well. Saturday Im going to see the Indigo Girls Im excited!`

tired

I am tired and happy to have a relaxing weekend!

another

another day at school. I greatly enjoy school! I take my road test today! Im so nervous. Ive been praying like crazy.

reflection on my life

I feel like my life is a bit sureal, Im happy. And I realized i was miserable most of last year. and things that made me happy really depressed me more in the long run.

I was in Utica last week, and its kinda ugly and boring. At one point we were at the boys show and i give tab this look and she said "whats that look about?" And I told her "that this is what my life has become, and i get to take that home" And I was reflecting on how i would be perfectly okay if this was my life forever, Im finally at a place that i am perfectly content. and it is a beautiful thing, But when i always feel like that something big happens. But at the same time big things are happening that are pretty terrible. I guess I need to take things as they come. And trust.

happy happy joy joy

I AM HAPPY!

lazy day till 4

thursday i had my second day of classes, and i actually got homework, And i really love being in school again. I then hung out with Ty! And it was good! I love that child!!!! So i was hanging out with dom and his mommy! and I love them both! and sometimes i cant believe im in the place i am in life, i feel completely blessed to know the people i do and get to do the things i do. So I hadnt actually spent and amount of time in my house from thursday morning to friday night, and i missed my house. I worked so much and i feel like thats all i really do with my life is work, sleep, school, and hang out with dom. And im feeling really spent about this, but i have a whole bunch of time off this week and im really happy about it, i dont think im going to do anything. I got 4 more holes put in my body today, well specifically my ears. :) Im excited, Im tired, Im sick of working. oh well. Im working at 4. and thats about it

today.....

Today was kinda tough, not gunna lie. It was really emotional and heavy. But I made it through. Tomorrow is classes again, and im excited actually! But I want to sleep.

college

I made it through my first day of college and didnt die!!!!!!

woohooooooooo

Tomorrow, i officially start classes, well i started today my online class and it is great, it seems pretty easy so far! I also get to see dominic tomorrow, when i thought i wouldnt till thursday! and Im crazy excited! did i mention ive been looking for schools and applying and all that shiznit, it is full of paperwork, and online paper work and remembering so many passwords, of course i never can write any of them down. And I love Mamma Mia! and Im so excited for fall! its so exciting! Fall is like my third favorite season! hahahahaha I miss my kelly boys, one in particular, brendan of course! He is my favorite! so my work schedule should be great for this year well at least this week its great! now its off to work

fast forward >>

i would seriously love to fast forward the next week and it to be next thursday already!!! Im ready to be in school and just having my boy back, and to be done housesitting. Im tired, and feeling over worked, and ready for sleep.

bit of a breakdown

I hate being alone! I hate that i know what i want i just dont know how to get it. I love someone. My best friend is leaving this week, and i wont get to say goodbye. I wont spend time with my mom till friday. I am still house sitting. I miss my bed. I miss my room. I miss hugs. I miss my mom and dave. I have a youth leaders meeting this wednesday. Im actually excited about that. I need some serious time to think and pray, i feel like my life is getting serious and i need to make some decisions.

summertime in the afternoon

i love the sunshine and the pool, and wearing cloths that arent yours and that smell

like the place you want to be. its the perfect day, well it could be better

not gunna lie, but its pretty close. I have found the place im pretty sure

i neve want to leave, and its wonderful. And im not living in between real life and

my getaway, Reality is my getaway.

Housesitting

BIGGGGGGG NEWS!!!! well there really isnt any, but im house sitting and bored..........and i hate being alone more than anything in the world............and i just wish i had a hug and kiss goodnight and my i love you ritual from the fam, when they are all in my wonderful home sleeping it up. Oh well im trying not to dwell on how awfully lonely i am. I have a wonderful dog here that follows me,its cute, its makes me realized how much i want a cute little dog.

Joy

I've been laughing more, and its the best feeling in the world.......I have no deadlines or time limits i am living under, or living between And it is freeing. I was Listening to Jason Mraz this week and Remedy is a few favorite "When I fall in love I take my time There's no need to hurry when I'm making up my mind You can turn off the sun but I'm still gonna shine and I'll tell you why" That is how im feeling about life! and I guess my love too. I've started listening to "Lesbian Music" for my favorite Kelly Brothers, who secretly or not so secretly wish me and my sisters were lesbians......hahahaha. This week is my vacation week, even though im not really leaving home, I am house sitting Friday for two weeks! My "Vacation" is as follows

Wednesday- O.A.R and Matt Nathanson :) with Tabatha, Morgan, and Dominic, and hanging out with the boyfriend before :)

Thursday- Beach with the sibs except Malik and maybe the bestie

Friday- House sitting, and going to see A Fragile Tomorrow :)

Saturday- Hippie Fest! with christine and morgs

Sunday- a day at home!!!!

So thats how things are going and im happy beyond belief.

My MOM'S ENGAGED!!!!!!! IF I HAVN'T ADDED THAT BEFORE!!!!!!

I was talking to Dave when he was picking me up from work, and He told me he loved how i have been laughing recently. He told me it was so deep and contagious and hysterical, It made me so happy. Also he told me i had found my match, the person that fit me perfectly, and he was happy for me. Its so wonderful to know that i have people who love me and are backing me up with every insignificant step i take, because its those staps that add up to be the big one's. I thank God every day for my mom and everything she is to me, and I thank God for all the other people he has brought me as well. I guess at times i take that for granted. Its been a wonderful summer!!!! much better than i thought it would be :)

life life life life life life life life

wow...........i feel like things have been crazy but not at the same time! My mommy is engaged...........its super exciting! ive been really tired......oh well thats what i get for working and staying up way to late.....im excited for this week and i think it will be so much fun :) Beach and hanging out with old friends.....its good...and hanging out with my boy :) i miss my bestie though ill see him in a week......I got a laptop today it makes me happy!

Beautiful Noise

So everyone should check out A Fragile Tomorrow, at the moment they are quite possibly my favorite thing to listen to at this moment..............it helps that im dating the drummer. They are in South Carolina this week recording their third album......needless to saw i miss him. So I've been tye dyeing and ill post pictures of the results tomorrow.....i tye dyed 8 with the help of Christine! I usually dont dye such large quantities, but i needed to make some gifts! Sunday I think im babysitting my 7 year old neighbor and i think we are dyeing.....that will be an experience. I bought a schedule for this year........it makes me feel old but im going to need it. I came to the realization this week that i dont really want a different job, im actually happy with this one, I like the people i work with. So my job hunt is ending. till tomorrow adios!

sorority or cheerleader

Im excited for today!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I completely like a boy!! Just seeing him or talking to him makes me smile! And everything is good and easy!
My soul is happy!!!
Thursday I hang out with my bestie!!!! YAY!!! my little Johnny L and i are hitting the mall, just like always!!

july!!!!!!

July its one of my favorite months!!!! Im feeling my independence,hahaha, and its a wonderful thing. Its incredible how one person can completely change how you are feeling. I guess my recent change of feelings isnt just one people, but a whole bunch and a whole bunch of things.....but its wonderful!!! I have to say my weekend was incredible!!!!! I didnt get to go see fireworks, but thats comething i've been getting used to since im usually at camp. Oh man, camp, im dying inside because im not there, its aweful, today is the first full day....gosh i cant think about that. The beach yesterday was incredible......it was all wonderful, and im suffering today becuase of my love for the sun....oh well its worth it. :) So i have found three worlds that i love to hear, and they have nothing to do with love, I MISS YOU, its my new favorite thing to hear.......it makes you feed needed and wanted and missed........mmmmm it makes me happy! Speaking of happy, that is exactly what i am.........I get to see dominic today.......and it makes everything better!

free and easy down the road i go

so much has happened this week................
Graduation was a fun event:) im glad its over though ........it was inside......but the best part was coming home to take pictures with my best johnny L..........ill post pictures later. :)
Saturday was my party.....it rained but it was entirely fun :) alot of people were there it was crazy
Sunday was church, work then Transformers 2 with my Malik and morgan!!!! it was incredible, i want to see it again sooo bad :)
the rest of my week has been work
but yesterday i hung out with christene and it was soooo much fun, we are making it a weekly thing!!!
Tab picked morgan and i up from youth group and she had danielle and renae with her and all of us in her tiny car was just like the old days when tabatha took them everywhere and morgan and i were tagalongs :) it was a great day!!!

oh summer of 09 day uno

The past few days have been incredible, even though it was mixed with some catastrophe it was been phenomenal!!!!! I failed my road test, which was horrible :( but the rest of the week was good! Thursday i was at the hospital with dave because mommy was having surgery, she came out great :) and the rain reflected my mood of that day. the rain has been reflecting my mood alot, because days i am particularly happy its usually pretty nice. Friday I cleaned my house and vacumed the entire house and went for a run, I felt very accumplished. Then one of my aquired favorite children came over, and played. I have never met a child who can insult so well that i dont even know what to respond its rediculous, man im going to hate when he gets older. Dominic came to pick me up and he met my mommy and dave, and it was really great. I usually dont feel that excited about my mom meeting my friends, but i was really excited about Dominic meeting them :) I got to meet his mommy and little brother too :) and they are really great :) And friday was just a good day, besides Dominic being sick :( Six Flags was incredible!!!! the rain was crazy but never have i been about to go on so many rides :) there were no lines i think the longest we waited was about 30 mins for superman :) El Toro was incredible. the ride home though not so great. So im spending the first day of my summer 09 trying to revive myself and working at 4. oh its the 21 which is always a good day :)

done, adios high school

im done with school. I passed Chemistry! I passed Math! I finished public school. I have achieved one of my goals for this year. Tomorrow i take my road test. Im beginning a new chapter in my life. I couldnt be any happier! I think it actually might feel real now! Its incredible!

wow!!!!!

I graduate in less than two weeks!!!! Im done! its incredible!!!!
I have this completely different view on a few things and its really
great!!! Ive had the most incredible last couple weeks and ive
spent time and met some truely great people! Im so happy!
ive been letting go of things and its been incredible!!!!!!!
i feel like writing music and poetry again and it hasnt been that way in over a year
its a good day!

blog time

9 more days!!!!! and i am loving it! im up in the air and kind of lost, but i think it will be ok. at least im not going to try to change the things im confused about because it just leads to my heartbreak. whatever. Im living my life and whatever comes along comes along. i feel as if i make no sense. oh well
im loving dave matthews recently! and i want people to stand up and believe in themselves, and to stop being idiots, but that will never happen

endless circles, over and over again

I got an award!!!!!! for business, ha. it was cool, it surprised me! especially considering i dont care about the only business class i have, accounting. Camping was amazing i'll put up pictures sometime. I need to clean my room really bad, but im refusing to do it without help from morgan. 11 more days of school and i could not be happier! but it doesnt feel like the end yet. im trying to actually apply myself the next couple of weeks so i will pass all my finals. I have Cassandra's adoption party today! and Long Hair Jay's show! It should be a fun day!
i think that is about it

Here come old flat top

I am feeling like a grown up. Last night i bought a tent. Its an incredible one! Whoever chooses to show up when we are camping will see it. I came home from school at 9 o'clock today, I couldnt stay awake in school, can you get more of a lousy reason, i think not. I came home and slept till 12:15, i obviously needed sleep. I am on this medication, and i dont like it so much, and the fact i now have to have an epi-pen with me at basically all times.

I am camping this weekend!!!!!!!!!! Winding hills!!!!!! stop by!

oh summer

oh this week has been wonderful so far! and it makes my soul happy! 20 more days till classes are over!!!! and the first day after that i have my road test, its a great way to start being a grown up! I got in the mail my official acceptance into college!!! yay!!!!! its been a good week!!! tomorrow is the famine! and im really excited, its going to be fun!!! and my self portrait is in the art show tomorrow!!! and my fish is too! i dont know what else is! i thourougly enjoy computer graphics, some people chose paper and ink and clay, i chose fabric, dye, and computers! Summer is so close i can taste it and its my favorite! I cant wait to hang out with people more! im home on a thursday its nice!

Ok is alright with me

my accomplishments of this week include
-finally finishing my application to SUNY Orange
-Ordering my cap and gown
-getting my car fixed tomorrow
-taking my 5 hour course wednesday or saturday
-AND dun..dun...dun....Handing in my last term paper for this year! and my high school experience

Now on to better things, such as the weather
its amazing and i am in love, with the weather that is
it gives me such ambition
Ive been going to the gym
i feel wonderful
i have 7 weeks to go then im done with school till august YIPPEEE!!!!
I will hopefully be working at......FREE SPIRIT NATURE CAMP!!!!!
its the best i can do this summer besides actually going to camp
this summer i plan to go hiking and to the beach a ton and get very tan
oh im going to see MATT NATHANSON and DAVE MATTHEWS!!!!! boy am i excited
im dragging katie to dave matthews and she will love it, she suggested we make tee shirts hahaha i love her
ok well i need to sleep oh thursday im going to the city for the art club field trip nevermind im not in art club!!!!

breaks, trips, work, sun, and trash

today was one of the best days i have had yet this year. it was wonderful, and painful, enlightening and sorrowful! but i loved it, and i am actually looking forward to school, i know its weird, considering break wasnt that great, and i wish it could stay break forever, i guess thats why i am ready for school to get the next 10 weeks over and never have to be in high school again. its one of my favorite times of year, i am a sun and flowers kind of child, i think that is why i am bright and energetic. I went to church today and it was good, i went to bible study and that was better than church, and i went to work only to leave 10 mins later, and grocery shopping[i love the grocery store ;)] and i cleaned my room and remade my bed. my bed is work of magic! I went for about an hour walk with morgan and it was like medicine for my soul we talked about our normal walk things and it was incredible, she can understand things about me that barely anyone else can, and it helps clear both of our heads. it helps us feel closer when we go in opposite directions a lot. I decided im letting go of a bunch of stop, and im going to stop worrying and trying to change myself, and hating myself for my inability to change, im obviously this way for a reason, so im going to live with it for now. So its time for figuring out my summer plans, and im not going to camp, im staying home and going to do way fun things here, like camping and the beach, and hiking, and a whole bunch of other things, i should make a list. My family is going camping for memorial day weekend, by my family i mean, morgan, tab, david plantation, mom, dave, dan, matt, yana, and kenny, and whoever else. oh something interesting i notived while i was visiting my dad, to him blood family is everything, but he isnt that close to his family besides his immediate family, and with me i have alot of people who are my family but arent blood that i would do sometimes do more for than my actual family, i thought that was kinda crazy, So my visit to my grandma's to see bryan last monday broke my heart, and i still dont think im recovered, i think that part of me will always be broken. I miss tabatha, and david plantation. im feeling a bit all over the place and i think i like it. i walked into a door today and it was at bible study and bev was the only one who noticed and laughed at me alot, its a regular occurance. and i decided im like a scarecrow because i have no balance.......oh well, or maybe im just clumsy too


i have to find my summer soundtrack.......
right now i have
road to joy-bright eyes
permanent- david cook
the way i loved you

home is where the heart is

that is such an over used phrase, but it completely describes me right now.
The trip was amazing! they dont change and its nice knowing what to expect even though i was dreading it so much. But it was terrrible being away for a hoilday because holidays are my families things.


thats enough for now, I have to check oh headbutt, i swear i dont try to kill him

april showers bring may flowers........

April, its already april, i feel like time is blowing by, it was like this last year too, and the year before maybe....... all i know is that im sad march is over, its my favorite....... One week, i will be saying my good byes and zipping up my suitcase this is causing me anxiety, and i dont like it, im just ready to fly home, thats my favorite part, flying home and crying because i missed it so much.
when i get home i think im getting a tattoo, i think i decided it being on my foot and its going to be the word change because its everything i stand for, but not at the same time, its weird, but i think it will also have a star or two, im excited. I went to school today, like the good child i try to be, and it was good, the rain put me in a funk though, but it has to rain every now and then. its days like today, i want to take a walk with morgan and my rainboots(even with the hole), a sweatshirt. my zune, and a bright umbrella and talk about our lives now, what they were and what is to come..... Im full of dreams in a magnet field where at times i feel like i want completely different things all at once....oh well its how i am i dont really want it to change, there is that word again, oh i feel like im on the brink of something life changing, or something that changes the immediate things in my life.

running, running, running

things dont slow down till april 15, thats over 2 weeks away
this week i work 25 hours and still i have school, and moms birthday, and homework, but ill be ok, then next thursday we leave, our dreaded trip is here, and i already cant wait to come home, how awful do i sound, no need to tell me i already know

Im sick, with allergies ugh....it makes me really tired

thats about it

happiness

I am incredibly happy.....
I wrote a song the other day, and i cant get it out of my head
it sums my entire feelings up
Im so close to the end of school i can taste it
One project and i just skate the rest of the way through, i cant wait
the 9th is coming up im not looking forward to it, but i am at the same time
thats how things are now

weekends and birthdays

I had a wonderful weekend! and I feel no different. I had a surprise party and it was amazing!!!!!

point me home

Third day i cried this week, i feel miserable, this should not be the case....... im sick of this, I miss people again. its like something is combating my great mood that has started. I saw my friend jon today and it made me really happy we had a lovely little chat. I miss seeing that kid more. I talked to my baby today, bryan the is, he said he was going to send me jelly beans, it made my day. Im sick of people and their stuff that put on me. Its my sisters birthday tomorrow, and i have to work, that makes me sad........ i want it to be the best ever. its crazy how old we are these days.

Ive quit procrastinating to some extent which is really great, 18 is saturday and it scares me i dont feel ready for it....oh well

I need sleep, hopefully tomorrow will be better

bad day

i had a terrible day, it started out good, i guess, it was hard because i rarely have bad days, it seemed that every encounter i had with people that arent my besties was terrible and left me feeling awful, i dont like this, this is my happy week not my bad day week, but tomorrow is st patricks day, one of my favorite holidays! I find it crazy that it is morgan and i's favorite holiday and we are irish twins and its in our birthday week! Lorrie comes friday!!!! I know secrets!!!

doubts

Things are crazy i am once again doubting all my summer plans........if i go to camp i have that amazing experience....if i stay home i get differant experiences. I dont remember a summer i didnt go to camp, but at the same time i want something different. If i got to camp i am not able to save as much money, if i stay home i have a ton more oppertunities so im not really sure.....



On to lighter things My birthday is saturday, and my bestie in the whole world is coming!!!!! im so excited, i purchesed my plane tickets for my trip to arkansas, which is good but im dreading it like always. I think im going to prom, i found a fantastic dress.... and once again i am changing my mind every 5 min on what to do, who to spend time with, oh do i want to date this person, no not at all, he is an ass, i love the weather! thats about it!

sunshine makes my soul alive

I just got the best news, that i have gotten in the past......lets just say long time!!!! One of my besties is probably coming for my birthday, and that is the best thing ever! it makes me want to cry how much i miss her and am so happy to see her.........:)

I've been listening to alot of the ONCE soundtrack, but have yet to see the movie, Dan bought the sheet music and is letting me borrow it, falling slowly is my favorite, it holds so much emotion and the emotion oozes out from the melodies, and it is incredible

little something i wrote:
Sunshine Makes my soul alive
this simple time, when nothing seems to matter
at least to me it doesnt
but hey this is my world

the living is easy
so they say
and baby i agree
nothing is sour
and when the rain comes
the drops are honey
everything i need
is at my fingertips

You shoot the moon and miss completely

Im in love with my world.......i love the sunshine! It warms my soul, and brings back all the good memories. I have a good outlook on everything that is going on.

By my birthday im going to be caught up and am going to have little to stress over, this is my list
-finishing applying to SUNY Orange (that was for John)
-flights book for our visit to our dad
-graduation stuff done
-finish my FASFA
-andwhatever else comes to mind

I've been working more and thas good! I got a raise and i didnt even know! that made me happy! Im glad its almost march, i had this terrible dream last night, it wasthe day before graduation and i didnt know if i was graduating it was terrible, then i was at camp and i didnt know if i was counseling this summer and it was terrible and my plans had dissappeared, and i was just so lost. thats not going to happen to me i have to have a backup plan.

Oh snow camp! It was wonderful! morgan and i did the zip-line, she was more worried about me than herself, Don Nauta was learning how to hook people up and he was shown how to do it on morgan but then he hooked me up by himself, and she was worried that he didnt do it right! it was funny. It was really nice to be able to spend time with everyone, but one of the nicest parts is coming home to your house, when you walk in the door and its time for rest. I think God is calling me to impact those around me and just be exactly who i am and nothing more, but who knows, I seem to be wrong alot.

I learned how to drive standard on thursday, that was fun, dave told me i was really good, when i drove home i peeled out right as i was pulling into the drive-way, that was a good laugh. So that was another check mark onthings i wanted to learn. Second month of 2009 is over, thats crazy, its been a pretty good year so far.

I need to start my term paper......and clean my room...

beautiful

everyday i get happier and happier, and it is amazing! thats just about it!

today was full of lovely's

flowers from my mommy!(they were given to her, but werent wanted)

Its my lei from Hawaii i just made it smaller

This day was the best i've had in a good while,
I woke up and 8:30,
not my usual 10:30 of school-less days.
The sun was shining and this made me incredibly happy
I re-arranged my room more today! and it was wonderful
Morgan and I had a wonderful talk about our futures
Planing it was amazing i cant wait!
I got incredible shoes and flowers today!!!
I also made jewelry!
Here are some pictures of my favorite things at the moment!

every scene was a sign we made out through there meanings

I am in love with my world at this point and time
I got my report card today
I was pleased with my grades, and i really dont care in they arent that great, and could be better
I dont care if my younger sister is more book smart, i told my family i was more "street-smart" and i got a laugh in return
I hate valentines day, i think its a poor excuse for a holiday, and its so commercialized
Who says we need one day to show someone we love them??
I am appreciating the dead presidents of our nation though, it gives us a lovely four day weekend
On to the weather, I am loving this weather, i find that my outlook and attitude has been much better, as of late, and i contribute that partly to the weather
Whenever the weather starts getting better i find the need to clean my room and re-arrange and find was to let more sunlight in, I guess i see spring as the time for all new things, which is exactly what spring is about, I wonder if this subconsciously has anything to do with the fact that my birthday is the first day of spring! I'm not exactly sure. Ive felt the need to blog more, im contributing this to the fact that i feel everything is moving so quickly i feel the need to document it all........oh well, all i know is that i am ever so happy, and there is not one thing that i can say it is from :)

Call me crazy if you've got it in you but these people don't seem to mind

It's monday, and i went to english again after three weeks, and i started reading this book while everyone else was watching this movie, and since my english teacher teaches lit of horror he said i should read stephen king, keep in mind ive never ready stephen king before in my life, but i really like this book, its not like all the other stuff i read, though i dont read garbage i find this to be a grown-up book, its called Thinner.
But we are going to start last week, so wednesday i go to school, and third period my lip starts swelling, by 5th period its still swelling i go to the nurse, so mom comes and gets me and takes me to urgent care, so I was having an allergic reaction to who knows what, so they give me an IV and am pumped with a steroid, benedryl and something else, so that was my event of this week, and i still dont know what im allergic too so im going to the allergist in about a week, because my wrists have been acting crazy and reacting too, and its not like im a person who changes what they use, and stuff very often, i like my routines they work for me, i find this rediculous how for a person who likes change so much and appreciates when things are differant i have such schedukles and make such routines for myself, and i get really frustrated when someone ruins my plans....... so the meds i was on for the allergic reaction, make me have moods swings and i hate it, because im being mean to everyone just cause i get frustrated easily, ill be happy when it's done. Saturday after work i went and saw He's just not that into you, with tab, morgan, dave and kara, and i loved it, it was absolutely fantastic, i had read the book, so now im rereading the book, and its transforming my life, and i love it. ummm....what else, OH, i have been loving this bit of warmer weather and the sun being out and the days being longer, i cant wait for spring next month! well really my birthday! Snow camp is in a week and a helf and that makes me really really happy. Oh last night i started thinking about camp and i got really sad and happy at the same time thinking about how great it is going to be and stuff but i really miss everyone there :( School is a piece of cake these days, except for chemistry, but i really just hate science....oh well this is exactly why i want to be a first grade teacher and i really dont have to know science, i need to know how to read, know basic math, shapes colors, that kinda thing and be super fun! Just about everyday i get more excited about next year and everything new! well i think im out of topics to talk about!

everytime i start to change my mind again it gets me back to where i was

wow, i feel like things are moving so quickly, before i know it, it's going to be spring break and time to visit my dad, then graduation, then summer and then i come home to start a completely new chapter in my life, im so excited for this journey though for once i wish i could slow time down just a buit, but back to right now. I learned to play bass, and it makes me proud of myself, New semester started today, im excited about new classes, but with my sister sick and the weather being the way it was, i decided to stay home, which i believe is a good choice, considering i have very little down time these days. so another thing of today, i decided im rethinking my life, and not going to let the pressures other people try to put on me effect me, because the way they think my life should go doesnt really matter. Oh another thing, i think i have a false view of people, in some people i see who i want them to be instead of who they are, so i mourn the lose of someone not in my life when i would never have been there if i hadnt had a false view of them, its complicated. if you havent realized it yet i think capital letters, sentence structure and punctuation go out the window when i speak, it comes out when im blogging, i realized i usually talk in one run on sentence which starts in one place and ends completely in another. Alexis and i were talking yesterday about being able to be someone else and see how we interact with people, i want to do this so badly, to bad i cant. i think thats all i will right for now, i work tonight :( but the hours are good :)

sugarcane in the easy morning

I can say that i love saturday's with nothing to do, my saturday afternoon i spent outside trying to help steven fix my car, trying is the key word, and yes i was freezing my butt off, but i look back and its one of the best afternoons i had in awhile, even though it was filled with frustration. So results of the afternoon were that i now have a new battery, new spark plugs, new air filter, and we put more oil in the car, but it still isnt running :( I am 2 midterms and 1 final away from being halfway done with senior year, and 2 months till im 18, its super exciteing but scary at the same time, but i know what im doing at least, yay! God is incredible! and im so incredibly happy and i cant explain exactly why, im at complete and utter peace, and it is incredible. night my loves

Someday it will bring me back to you

Sunday, sometimes i hate them, like today, i didnt go to church something i usually am a very big fan of, i slept and shoveled and then went to work after my lazy afternoon, thats what this weekend was full of. which is nice because next weekend will be very full, im excited for that
ok update on the rest of my life
Yesterday, i got a letter from my aunt, and my inheritance from my grandpa who died 10 years ago, it has me thinking about where i was 10 years ago and just how my life is completely differant now, and it makes me really miss him even though i didnt have that deep of a relationship with him, he is helpng to make me into the person i will be another 5 years down the road i will look back at my college experience and know it would have been really tough without his help, i just wish he could see who i am today. so im finishing my application to new paltz this week, i went through this whole time of doubting every decision i thought i had made, no more doubting. I applied to camp!!! YAY! Hopefully i will be spending my summer at the greatest place on this earth, and my second home, with al the people i love sooooo much, doing what i love and being surrounded by My God! you have no idea how happy that makes me, its happiness almost to the point of tears. Im starting to miss people, and giving up others, i've been feeling a little helpless, but its changing. I complicate things far to often, and stress myself out, thats not good. i just need to calm down. Things are going to be great because im not the one planing them, they are already planned. the other night i was looking at pictures of bry, and i miss him, part of me is gone, and i think its just now hitting me, i feel like i need all these people around me and im not sure why like i need their emotional suppport, its not even like im feeling emotionally weak.....its confusing. i know just what i need i just dont know how to find it anymore. Next week is excel, im excited, i need that, I need time with my dave zirilli and everyone else and i need time with morgan, i feel like i need to much, i dont know
so work
i really like it these days but just not the whole part of going to work, well school tomorrow and babysitting, and another week of being super busy..........

Fridays and Things

I am loving things right now, and i can say i have never felt this loved in my life, and so i say thank you to everyone that is around me. Im debating a bunch of plans right now for my life that all have to same end goal its just the same, its just debateing how to get there is the question........Oh well, i guess ill figure it out somehow. Now off to fulfill part of the plans for me life, just little everyday ones but they all add up to something big one day.....