199

ok so im thinking, and thinking...............its 6:27 and i think ive been awake for nearly 2 and a half hours, but i never really remember going to sleep. I kept dreaming of tomorrow, of crazy notes i would get, or crazy experiences. hmmm i just dont know. so coming over tomorrow......kinda nervous i need tab to like him. i need to see my morg......i need to sort out. hmmm boy am i happy though. ive been happy, and will continue to be i believe for an unforeseeable period of time.

;)a

ahhhhhh.........

its like looking up on a sunny day, and seeing snowflakes falling down

HMMM back in my cycle, back to reevaluating, and seeing whats next. Its my entire life. I want to know whats next, I want to know what tomorrow has, but i truly do love the adventure.

Im in the business of breaking hearts, and i think its been done again....

whatever happened to this

I know what i know and i do what i do..................................and your a big fat hoe...............

soo hmmm this time and day, not sure how things are unfolding, i guess i just need to see how they pan out right? well let me pause that for a sec, let me pause everything for a sec and breath how does that sound........pretty damn well i would believe. My semester is almost over, which means i won't be killing myself next semester.....YES!

We'll see what is coming next though! there is always something lurking around a corner!

sugar and spice.......and all things nice?

hmmm so as of right now, couple hours ago, well maybe yesterday, I started to process of reevaluating, because its what i do. I talked to my madre today, and yesterday! how i love her to pieces! she completely completes me and gets me, even 1200 miles away! Good thing i see her in a little over 2 weeks!

I particularly happy! I can honestly and truly say that! Im going to stop being a person that just goes along with things too......thats not who i am.....i have a backbone, i was given it for a reason, and you better damn well know im going to use it. I guess thats where i am right now.

Today i was reminded that

- God uses weird people

- I will be my change

- I have a pretty freaking bright future

- Im going to chose the road i want, and stick to it, and my guns

So recently I've been able to create every excuse in the book not to hang out with someone, but then others i will always make room... It's just cause i dont really know what i want...I think. But i do know what i want. cause at the end of the day I want:

morals

fireworks

spark

like

innocence

passion

appreciation

ambition

hopes

dreams

grounding

fantastic

love

laughs

nkotbsb

i will be seeing them this summer

ugh

I MUST HAVE MORALS AGAIN!!! well they are there patient is the issue......

straight and narrow

this is my walk these days

this is my life

these days i dont even know what to say.........im just living, day to day. Im kinda frustrated with people around me. but it begins with me right. I can change this right. i just wanna be artistic all day long.

self-contemplation and self-gratification and self destruction

Every have that life you've always dreamed about....... this was mine

I be independent, I have my cute house, that is bright and cheery and cute. I have my pets. I really just wanted a dog. and A job, that i somehow made a difference in. And a long term Goal in place. and people i love. and people i hang out with alot. and just to be a significant and fabulously flawed ME.

And this is What i actually am

I have a great job, that everyone thinks sucks. But i really like it, and i think i am helping the world somehow. Im going to school, to figure out how to help the work some more. I have a cute house, with one of my two best friends. and It is freaking adorable. we have it decorated and clean, so if someone drops by unexpectedly, its not horrible. I have a sunshiny, literally, room, that screams my personality and creativity. I have a cute little cat, that catches herself on fire.(she is suicidal because she longs for a companion, but we are changing that) We have a fabulous roommate moving in that we really like, she has a cute cat too. I dont have a dog, but ill survive. I dont have a man, and im ever better with that. yeah it sucks but im great! Yeah i mess up, where the flawed comes in. but I know someone who tries to make me perfect. and I have meaning and hope and dreams and reality and nothing stands in my way.

How this ties together

I have my life i always wanted, ive stopped wishing for the future, because the future is now. its this second, we have the capacity and ability to change our own destiny, and to make ourselves happy with the today things in life. And this is why I am happy. I have a god who loves me more than anything, I have freakin amazing friends, who are crazy and insane. I have a great perhaps, that is this

We found our Housemate!!!!!!
She is pretty damn awesome, if i do say so myself.

ever have those moments where you are sooo complacent. when you have soo much energy and nothing to do!

Ever hit that spot in your life where you realize its exactly where your supposed to be. and you just cant wait to see what it holds. THats exactly where im at

This is what I call exciting!

so officially as of the 16th my mom will be living in Arkansas.

Change is in the air!
Everywhere i look around
within a month
things are flippin up

Loves spending time with my sister, she is the greatest!

God always answers prayers

come close, listen to the story

Life in its fragile, ever changing state is beautiful.

As i was making my trek to work today, i could help but see beauty, and feel so insignificant. I was thinking how the outcome of my life changes with every thought, catch of breath, reflex, blink, sound, but that God already sees the end and we cant trick it up. and that is all kinds of wonderful. Because me, clumsy, impulsive me, cant screw it up. and Im loved through all of it.

This is a great perhaps

back to square one

I just wanna talk to you

oh you know.....................

....that whole butterflies in the stomach thing we thought we, well i, was never going to get again. Well I think its back :)

I was told i saw a sexy french today. Oh danielle. I went garage sale-ing with tabs today, complete success!

Jack jack was here! we watched Tommy Boy! hilarious. 90's movies are better than alot of movies today. just saying.

New year, new beginings

Great things are falling into my lap. My purpose and ambition are at an all time high. I feel my adulthood and i feel my youth. both are beautiful things im diving head first into.

Im loving my baby sister so much right now! and even though some days this is by far weird, we are becoming our completely own selves. but shout out to morgy h. Your pretty fab and your doing an excellent job, and your my fav, and you so got that shiz.

I am loving my tabs too!!! we are being homey together!

Classes start tomorrow! I am seriously ecstatic!

I don't think I could really be happier,

long trips and short lights

I am completely effing ready for this semester!!! I think Im doing Gods will!!!!!!!
I think i found my nitch. I think i found something to drive me. I have strong opinions, and i think I can be heard. i am so ready for whatever is coming my way. Cause i have something bigger on my side. i have a head full of dreams, and shoes that can take me anywhere. i got some love in my heart. and i sometimes have a hand to hold. i have counter parts in all there glory. i even got the real thing occasionally.

rainbows and butterflies

Im cleaning my room, and re organizing it this weekend!



this is my bed spread i believe

i plan oh making it completely me!

Im sure ill post pics

actually ready for classes ;]

friday, love, and catastrophes

AHHHHH

I am my mothers daughter, I amaze myself with my ridiculousness, flightiness, spontaneity, Bitchyness, loudness, uncontrollable self.

I am happy with this hand god has dealt me, but what card am I picking up next?

I want to be know for being an incredible God loving woman, who has alot going on and juggles it beautifully and Well, but messes up too.

I am in love. This love would be my air, my everything surrounding me.

Am I sad, probably more so than i have been in awhile. But I recognize it, and i recognize the reason.

I love my sisters, and my mother.

I am incredibly excited for tomorrow! but no where near ready for sunday night.

I am saying goodbye to my baby, my best friend, my soulmate, my half, even if it is only for a short time, I am sad, I miss her already, and Im scared.

Mark it down in the books Ya'll Maegan Renee Harrison I legit scared for what is coming next.

God doesn't like having me be comfortable. He likes ruining my plans.

Fall to the waste side

I guess im feeling I dont have to record every little thing happening anymore. Which could be good.
list of happenings
-i like my job
-i dont like 2 people at my job
-i really really want a dog
-i kinda want to be done house sitting
-i miss sleeping in my bed
-i miss my room
-i need to clean my room and car
-oh i got a new car
-i love my little esmerelda
-i am on the brink of everything being new
-i miss sharon keeney
-i miss jack jack
-my baby sister is leaving :(
-i am feeling a bit grown up
-ugh i am feeling out of sorts i guess
-i want change
-like always

life is deliciously sweet and wonderful these days!

:(

I dont like this anymore, bring my best friend back and make me not miss her so effing much

newness

so I bought a car yesterday.....well i put the down payment on it, ill finish buying and pick it up monday. Kinda feels strange to me.

days like today

So today is a day i need to be reminded I am perfectly fine, maybe not perfectly but im GOOD............ I talked to my daddy today :) and as much as sometimes he pisses me off he is still my dad, and i love him, he brings me some serenity, because somehow we are alike...... I talked to my miss mary today too, and i love her as well, and she is just like morg.....and i need my fam because one day they might be all i have. I need to be grateful for what i have you know. Some days i worry that im not doing the right thing, or that maybe my life might be falling apart, but its not, God has a plan......He constantly restores my life and brings me back to the right place. and I need to stop freaking out over stupid shit........Things always happen at the right time.....ugh! I love my life, i just am in a funk this week, but tomorrow things effing change Im ending my funk!

! g use this, im going. to do something that is going to make a difference. Cuz i have a story, and i wanna tell it. I want everyone to know this peace and

! me into something beautiful......and im taking a stand, my life is changing and its amazing, i feel better about myself now than i ever have. God is goin

! As i think back over the years, i think how far God has brought. I think how i would be dead without him, i wouldnt have my best friend, not my mom my fa

I love newness!!!!

God is good! He never ceases to amaze me, even though i really screw up and lose sight of that, God waits around for me to some back because he know i will. This amazes me, because everyone else i know hates putting up with that.... That is why he is the greatest ever. I look around at all this bad that is happening in the world and I am comepletely taken care of. I really have nothing i worry about. Yeah sure i get stressed and freak out but i dont need to. God has everything taken care of, He already knows the outcome. What would i do if i had that power, well i wouldnt need god but them where is my life? in all my indecision and unknowing there are a few things i know
1. There is a God
2. He loves me more than anything
3. He WILL take care of me always
4. Everything works out great in the end.

What Im Learning Patience!!!!!!

story.....installment uno

This story does not begin with a "Once Upon A Time.." for this will happen, it is a reflection to the future. Emma-Lea is her name, and she is a walking contradiction. Em finds happyness is solitude, and fear in being with someone forever. She finds colors to be the greatest, but she choses to wear black most. Sunshine was her favorite, but it was night that thrilled her. She doesn't believe in love, but holds out on finding the right person. Em is the light and the dark, the joyful and moody, the wild and tentative. This is where our story begins. Em, full of life, but searching for herself, because she knows she doesn't know herself.
We find her stepping out of her 1968 VW Buggie, into the dreariest of days. Days like this were Em's favorite. They brought her back to reality, and helped Em not take advantage of the small things in life, such as the sunshine. She believed a persons soul was what truely made the person. Others would view her as being so full of life and practically perfect, while she knew she was far from that she knew she was missing something. Although Em knew that she had something so much of the world around her was missing. Em regularly had men hitting on her and confessing their love, for she had this magnetic personality that attracted people to her. But Em knew that none of these were right for her, it all would have been to perfect and she had seen where so called perfection could lead you. Homeless and alone. This was not the path she wanted, Em much perfered her optimistically pessimistic view on the world of love. For this reason, all her friends would come to Em for advice on the "love" that they were in of persuing. That is where her list of rules began, they are as follows:
1. Men are the persuers, girls if you are that needs to end.
2. Relationships should completely equal.
3. Life is full of status quo's and as much as we wish to break the cycle it can barely be done.
4. If things aren't okay there is a very small chance of them getting better. Like the bad outweighing the good.
5. And most importantly do what makes YOU happy.

She believed in a higher power controling her life so she lived with no worries and no cares Em took road trips when she felt like it some days she would talk her chocolate lab riley and other days her partner in crime, kate. Her favorite drive was the one she took weekly to the castle ruins 3 hours north of her home. Em always packed a lunch, her novel of the week, and a sketch pad to make a day trip of it. She often sketched life the way she preceived it to be when this castle was in use. But Em unlike most Would paint from the time of the destruction back instead of from prime to destruction. She viewed this place as the complete cycle of life in the desperation is now was Em viewed it as beautiful. The continuation of life through wildlife and all that comes after our prime years are gone. That simply life carries on. This brings us to Em getting out of her. Its tuesday her least favorite day of the week, so she is spending it doing what she loves. Riley quickly jumps out at this familiar site. But he rapidly stops, at the sight of someone else in this beloved spot. Quick side note on Em was she was always in a rush, and moved much to quickly. And Riley was the same. So Em quickly grabbed all of her articles for the day because it was an hour trail to her favorite spot overlooking the entire estate. Since there was someone else present at the ruins today she was forced to dig Rileys leash. Not that EM COULDNT trust him, it was just his friendly nature left others in fear because of his size.

light

There is a light at the end of my tunnel.....And Grace is always enough!

July, I give you a warm welcome!

July 1st! 2010, half over! what! Lets look at me 2010 list and see what i've accomplished!
new friends - check
new job - check
better self - check

Im happy with the way this year is turning out! What will the next six months hold? Only Time will tell!

summer

oh summer 2010........ You are fun of surprises, let me tell you that!

I was talking with Jack Jack today about our grown up lives.....and this is what we decided.
We are tired of being in the place we are. We also aren't exactly sure what we want to do. But we know what we want. We want to be happy..... to change the world, not with some huge career but in everyday situations.

Malificent will soon breath her last breath.

sun

I have sunburn! First I've had since last year! Beach was amazing! I will be starting the tattoo i want to get for my mom and sisters! we are getting matching foot tattoos before our morgy goes to school! so exciting!

Poker Face

So I had quite an amazing day! And im going to try something funky with this hair of mine! Something Wild and crazy!

cancelled

Dave cancelled the wedding yesterday. Once again why I have men half the time.

500+ days of summer

I plan on having something every day for this epic summer!

this week!

tuesday - finishing some crafty thigns
- gym
- sleep
- hanging with my fam fam!
Wednesday - hanging with malik
- others epicness
Thursday - gym
- sleep
- Morgans Awards dinner
Friday - BABYSISTER GRADUATES!
Saturday - Beaching it up!
Sunday - Random parties

Sometime in the near future we, meaning my sisters, mother and I will be getting cute foot tattoos. Yes you heard that right, morgan, getting inked.

change change change

Does it ever hit you that your world is about to change? That there isn't to much to do about it? That its just a part of growing up, and life? Can it stop for two seconds? Can I just breath? Can I stop dodging people? Can I stop running? Is it bad I want to settle into a normal routine? I want things that aren't driving me insane. I want to Breath. I want to sleep. I want to have something concrete. I want my change, just like always. But I don't. I don't want August to come. I won't know how to go about every normal thing. I'll have to find new friends. ahhhh. So I'm going to freeze time. I want to go back to being 5 maybe. I don't know.

I guess thats it. I just don't Know. Maybe I'm ok with that.

things turn out

So Im happy!!!!

Um I am making a list of how i think things should be/ how i feel!
-I believe there is one person for everyone
-I dont think you should settle till you find that one person
-Dont rush it......If its meant to be it will happen
-Dont settle with having to do all the work
-If there is a big age difference it wont work (rare exceptions)
-They are just not be that into you, if they are not talking to you
-If you have to sneak around it wont work
-Its not going to get better, its as good as it will ever be
-It takes forever to love and get to know someone, probably years

Just my view on a few things! For Steven's sake!

On a Day like today!

I feel loved today!

;]

God is good! This is what I have to say about today this weekend, this life, this month, this year this everything. I forget that without god none of this would exsist. and Im embracing each day as it comes and I am taking some risks

proud

My baby sister is done with highschool!she was a far greater success than myself but I dont care! The Next month it going to be insane. She graduates, my mom gets married, I face the fact that for once we arent children, and EVERYTHING changes hopefully! I will be saving all my money for a car! and My Word I am proud of my sister!!!!

status quo

Im finding that everything is life is based on a status quo, although many times people try and break out of those, they are still ever present. Yesterday I was discussing with someone how she feels that if you break up with someone and they said they still want to be friends and you both want that you should still be able to, but this status quo called life doesn't allow that. She doesn't feel like all that awkwardness needs to be there,as she put it "i saw him naked, its not like he doesn't know me now." But thats the whole thing in order to mask whatever it is that happened one has must fake this whole front titled "Since you know everything about me, and know how to hurt me, I'm never going to even pretend to let you close to me" it happens all the time, like people saying something is worse than it actually is after the fact. They feel the need to bring up every bad situation and issue of an event in order to keep them from it.

Are you a player or do you get played? This is one of the big things when dealing with a relationship, even friendships. Player's keep their options open and are not quick to settle things into stone, while The Played take and settle and make something real while it was never meant to be that. The Played often read to far into things. As being someone who has been on both sides of the spectrum neither is accurate. The player doesnt see others as actual breathing feeling people, often times this is stunted by being played themselves. The played view others as being on a pedestal and put what they want before themselves. Both are twisted and severely insecure.

precious

oh pretty pretty things

anticipating what could possibly be one of the most amazing days <3

goodbye

im saying good bye to my hair ive worked so hard to grow!

I say today was a success!

So I am deciding to take everyday as it comes and not stress because I have nothing to stress over, at 19, with a good job, and a car, and a hell of a good family, everything is good!!!!!

So once again I am reminded of my morals, and I need to encourage myself in those. I hate having friends with no morals though, it makes fighting the battle of trying to be a good person impossible. So I am deciding that I need some new friends. This is my task of this week. I know I can't blame things on others, and im not, but its one less battle i must face. So wholesome activities is where i heard that this starts. Like game nights, and movie nights, and parks, and BBQ's i guess, Hiking. This is good. Inside i believe everyone has a desire to be a good person, And I think people just dont know how to get that.

straightedge

Im claiming straightedge and Im ok with that! Im going to be the good girl i really am

happiness is a warm gun?

So i kinda miss shooting things, I miss feeling secure and in control but completely powerless all in the same breath....... My Security is in me and the ability to change when i feel, and not feeling like im letting someone down because of it! My best friend is home today! I WILL see him tomorrow. Im sitting next to my soulmate and wondering if someone will ever get me the way she does, because i sure as hell don't think so! Thats the pessimist in me...... But the Optimist, the 56% of me, thinks i will definitely find one! and I am happy, it leaks through my skin! I have been accomplishing things from this week!

When You cry I cry

These are crazy times my friend

;)

Had one of the best days ever!!!!!

some new things

oh saturday nights...Im home......but this is good. Im Tired, but her it is 10:15 and I have been up since 4:20ish.....

This day and age I often get tired of being unoriginal so im going to try new things from here on out....

This week im going to.......

the gym 6 days

only eat bread 3 times

eat pasta once

complete one illustrator project

hand in my CRHC application

apply at some various banks

apply at various health clinics

go to the beach

connect with an old friend or too

thats how i feel about this week.................9 things in 7 days it can be done

Am I living it right?

Am I living my life right? question for today!

2 more finals!!!!!!!!

serious now serious

Have you ever looked back at something and hated it. And just decide that it wasn't really good for you. I'm feeling that way about a few things.....but its whatever thats life, so Im going to close that part of my life and never open it again. You know, but its always hard.

bucket list for summer 2010 (Maegies and Morgies)

1. Dance to Georgia on my mind in a park under the stars

2. beach it up with lots of layer for morg and lack there of for maeg

3. take a yearly trip to six flags, get ridiculously sun-burned and drink way to much soda

4. Find maeg a date for a wedding or two

5. Take a effing awesome roadtrip somewhere epic

6. Get a new job/ job in general

7. Take a deep breath everyday

8. Do a 5k/ morg watch one

9. Be the person someone is proud of

10. Go to the fair

11. Go to a festival

12. Go to 3 Concerts

13. Go party, our style

14. take a walk

15. have a party

16. see my mom on one of the happiest days of her life

17. be an awesome sister

18. hang with our maliky

19. take in every beautiful day

20. get up super early

21. take a vacation!

22. the list continues

beach

Im so looking forward to my beach trip next monday! And Finals being over! And my summer!!!! And making New Friends!

I would like to go one a date! I got the hottest dress for my moms wedding!!!! The day is going to be sooo fun!

2/3

Two Down Three more to go! WOOOHOOO This time next week ill be done with my freshman year!

Performance final was incredible and I wish i could do it all over!

end

MY STRESS IS ENDING!!!! I get to sleep tonight! Im excited!

minds made up

MAKE UP YOUR MIND!

ahhhhhhh

CRAZY MUTANT ANTS are taking other my house

heaven

heaven is in your eyes! Breathlessness is in your smile!

this is what i want

ugh

I am angry! not angry i guess just super super frustrated!

homework

Why am I such an effing procrastinator! I want a cute boy! I dont want a relationship! I just want to go on dates! This doesn't make things complicated!

hit and miss? a definite miss

Christine you missed my point! Stop cramming things into your timeline of going to school, just let it happen! It more your social calender i was talking about!

I was reflecting, ive been reflecting a hell of a lot! I am happy being the way I am! I have no problem with being the way i am the rest of my life! I love me! I am in love with the person I am! And I think this is healthy! I want what is best for me! And whatever that is is great!

The moon is filling my soul with warmth tonight. I wish i could take a walk! I can't go alone though...........ugh. One day I'll take a midnight summer walk with someone! I don't want to be tired. And I don't want to have to go to sleep!

friday

would be a good date night

three weeks

three weeks of school and soooooooo much work to go

realism

Love isnt realism. Realism is a favorite of mine. When are people going to wake up and face the facts. gosh Im sick of people being childish and thinking people change because they dont. Im a severe optimist and my optimism doesn't stretch that far. Sorry to disappoint all of you who this i see the good side of people. Im just frustrated today.

Lighter note!

May 7th! Performance final!

I get to be a boy and I get to do a monologue! this should be great! Im not going to lie im nervous.

Well is starts with loving yourself......you have to be 100 percent ok with being the person you are and kinow that a gf/bf will never complete you and that by yourself you can do anything

Its not but it should be this way........like right now Im great being alone, becasue im not alone, i hate when its refereed to that, I have so many people around me that are my friends....and yes I miss flirting and getting hit on, but I know im pretty and I know i dont need that

Christine give it time, i love you deary dont rush anything in life, dont live on your timeline

Events!!

Had a lovely eventful crazy saturday night!!!!!!! And today is stage combat!!!

friday

Why and I absolutely so exhausted.....well i did do alot his week i guess....I worked 31 hours so far and I still have another day of work, this is goooood!!! I have alot to do this weekend though. Babysitting all day tomorrow, Im planning on going to the park! and Sunday I have acting extra credit! Its learning stage combat!!!!!

sunshine and raindrops?

Today Was wonderful! I changed plans again! Im going to stop fast forward this time in my life! I am Incredible happy right now, why can't I just slow down and soak it in, Because being busy and crazy makes me happy.

THIS WEEK!

File my FASFA

register for classes for the fall

Save some money

Today I realized I have really really high standards and I sure as hell hope someone can meet them one day.

103

For christine

If you feel lonely, bored, unloved, desperate don't go looking for a guy! Those don't last and are the worst kind.

111

I feel lucky today. I feel like good things happened, even though it was a nothing kind of day.

I've probably been watching to much batman! How I love it!

I need to go to the gym some more thats what I am doing tonight. I could use some adrenaline coursing through my veins thats what i need. Any kind. the kind you get from being with someone you really like! ohhh....I am missing this a tad its been way to long.

whats on my mind

at 11:35 oh a saturday night, while i should be doing homework. I just wanna take a walk. and watch a movie that actually holds my attention. and maybe with someone who holds my attention. And this would be amazing considering how ADD i am.or i just want someone to sit around and talk to me, and not get frustrated with my need for attention. this will take time i know that. for right now im perfectly fine being in my little bubble of freedom, where i work, to pay my bills, go to school, to better my life. this is my goal to better my life!

tired

oh oh oh so tired!

hunger

I could use some positivity and cheering up today!

:/

Today was difficult

this is for christine

This is all for you babe! hahaha

Your ok! We need to talk soon and hang out! Because we need to talk through your things that are going on. I love you girl! and Your great, just you is great! you dont need another person to complete you, because thats shit, or so my book says!

102

Dont Be with someone who doesn't make make an effort to be with you.

new day

Is ready for a brand new day tomorrow

relationships 101

Everyday Im going to post a new tip, maybe one day ill write a book. I think I give pretty good advice, even though i rarely take my own advice. Plus I think I've learned a few things from my own relationships and others.

1. Girls don't talk to the guy first, Make him work if he actually wants to talk to you. Don't use excuses like "oh he is shy" thats a load of shit. A guy likes you he will talk to you! And don't lie and say you just want to be friends. because thats shit too.

whats on my mind

Im pouring out everything thats happened over the last few weeks, because on the off chance someone sees this I want them to really know whats going on. I hate that people judge and assume without knowing the full story. I think it's extremely childish. Yes, I broke up with Dominic, and my reasons for that are my own and I am happy and I haven't regretted it. You can't regret decisions in life, im sure i've talked about it before. Today is a me day. And every day from here on out. Im working on my morals, to make them stronger so they wont be compromised. I don't want that to happen again, is that too much to ask? I will be working on my relationship with God, because Im not showing its very important to me! Im working on being without a guy, cause hell if i need one. I need to figure out me before I try and figure out me with someone else. Thats whats on my mind. I'm not sad. This is actually that happiest I've been in a really long time. And I'm soaking it in.

crazy night, and i am once again reminded why i definitely do not drink.

i think tonight will be amazing ;)

Today is beautiful :)

ahhhhhhhh

Happiness!!!!!!! Excited for friday :)

;0

OH HAPPY DAY!

excited

Im excited for tomorrow! Tuesdays are a favorite! Gotta find a date for the orchestra! haha

Happiness

Why do everyday I become Happier. Oh let me guess! Because I am a happy person!

sunshine

I see God in today :)

IM TIRED!!!!! story of my life

beauty

Today was beautiful and I appreciated that

I can BREATH!

March 30th

My deadline to make the changes i need to is April 1st! the day i truely start my new life regimen. 1 more day of being the person that isn't really me. I give myself 2 days to make certain changes because its hard as hell. Today I am hurting, Thursday I start healing. I want to breath in relief and its slow. I am ready to be truly happy again.

life

I'm ready for a breath of fresh air. I'm ready to wake up one day and truly be excited for that day, and I don't see that happening anytime soon. This is problematic for me. I'm ready for sunshine, and to be done with this semester. I'm ready to start some sort of schedule that doesn't require me to run around and feel like my head it cut off. I need air. I need to run, and run and run. I want to be chased though. I want to feel like the greatest thing ever, because I am. I am ready for someone to see all the incredible things about me, and for someone to encourage me to follow my dreams. I'm sick of being put last. I'm ready to feel Jesus close to me. I'm ready for friends that encourage each other. I'm ready for my life to be clean again. I'm ready to be transparent again. Im ready to embrace the crazy, amazing, talented side of myself. The side that wants to change the world, and loves the people around her, and the person who attracts good people to herself. I'm ready for new friends. I'm ready for my new outlook on life. I'm ready for a new chapter to begin.

ready

ready for life and everything it plans on gifting me with

;)

Tomorrow my baby sister grows up!

:D

4 lousy fun filled days ahead

wednesday brings lots of work, the gym and class and party

Thursday brings lots of work gym class cleaning and shopping and church

friday brings my baby sister growing up, and work and gym

sat brings work and fun this and packing and gym

SUNDAY brings my birthday! My FLight! My love!

bad days

I hate mondays I hated today! 5 days!

:)

I hate rain! I didnt go to the gym yesterday and im disappointed in myself but Ill get over it, and drag my butt to the gym this morning before work! Today I am mending friendships because i believe its the right thing to do! for this i am proud of myself. My life is far to short to be mad or upset or whatever by something. So It started last night fixing these stupid issues i have with people and it will continue into today :) Im trying to work on feeling loved.

:)

6

Monday!!!!!!!!

One more awful intro to music class!

Sunday!

It's a sunday, and I will go to church, do some homework, study with sharon, I have two midterms this week. Im ready for spring break! 13 days, 9 more days of classes, 10 more days of work, 2 birthdays, 2 more days to hang out with Jackie on a thursday, 2 more paychecks, 14 more days at the gym.

I haven't seen the man i love in a month, but for once i'm not freaking out. I guess i am more sure of the permanent state of this relationship. And i feel a more sense of entirety. It's a beautiful thing. But again how can i not be completely ok with the fact that yes we didn't talk today, be he is touring with the indigo girls and playing to thousands every night and making his dreams come through. He loves me and no questioning is involved. And I get to see his beautiful self in 13 days!

march

in 3 lousy hours after im long asleep I have 20 days till my favorite day of the entire year!

MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

ALSO

THE DAY I SEE MY LOVE

Saturday

Its a saturday, and im ready to be alone, maybe even take another trip to the gym, and tan a bit. I need air, serious air. I need sun. I need warmth. I'll take it in the form of a text, or call, or hug, or anything. I just need dom i guess. Im kind of sick of people right now. And its time for a good cry i believe.

ugh what am i going to do with myself

i think i just need to curl up and watch a movie, not result to the gym for a second time today.

I might be working myself to hard, but im highly doubting that recently. I just need to soak in everything.

I am possibly listening to the best album i have ever heard, but this will be the case till the next one comes out! I am amazed by people sometimes.

I had a conversation with Sean Kelly last night, and I miss that child and all his miraculousness, don't tell him i said that. It will go to his head! hahahaha But he is a good child. I appreciate him in life and im not exactly sure what i would do without him in it.

Im tired, thats what a day will bring you.

My cat has to be put down this week. Im not really sure im going to take it well. I have never been that fond of him, but he is still our cat, and we have had him for 10 years. Thats a big deal.

God has been getting me through these days, i rely on him alot, or at least i try to. because i know by myself im an utter failure. and thats comforting knowing that i have someone who is everything for me, and will pick me up when i need it and even when i miss everyone He is there to pick me up and tell me it's ok.

I am taking some me time today, and this is good

Snow

I effing Hate Snow.....

24 DAYS! Because I can do this. 6 weeks is the longest, but its already almost half over.

This is where I want to be.

love

This cycle of love......... I find it beautiful. I find my life beautiful. Even today.

My boy is making his dreams come true today ;)

spring break

I just need spring break.

25 days! I can do this I swear!

I've been working on my beach body! Because I will be be looking good by them.

South Carolina and the beach here i come.

Can I just say how freaking upsetting this stupid weather is, except when it comes to no school i am sincerely loving that!

I decided to blog again, well more often i should say!

I am immensely proud of the love of my life, because-

1. He sent me flowers

2. he does things he hates just because it will make me happy

3. He loves me when im a bitch

4. His third album came out, oh today

5. He is going on tour tomorrow, with who, the Indigo Girls

6. He is happy even when i send him cloths that don't fit

7. He is kinda hot

8. He works his ass off, but still appreciates me working my ass of too

9. I'll stop boring you!

....................

CAN THIS WHOLE BEING A ROCKSTAR THING END SO YOU CAN COME HOME TO ME! but its ok I dont want you to not be my crazy passionate drummer. I miss you. I love you.

End. Of. Story.

seven

and verdict for seven months later, i still get butterflies

ahhhhhh

SO Im nervous and im not sure why. I cant get through this day without God and its been awhile since i've said that and that seriously crushes me. I realive how so far i am from really where i want to be. I remember a time where spirituality was my number one, and not its not and i need to fix it. I know for most people that might be really really stupid. But i feel like a better person. I NEED TO BE A BETTER PERSON. I need a fresh start. I went to church yesterday the first time since thanksgiving. and the sermon was about looking back but looking forward. and how its today that you need to make your changes not tomorrow, because tomorrow never comes, it is always today! and i want to be the person who my sister is proud of. I want to be an example. I want to be like Jesus. I want to love! thats where I am today. I cant get through today alone.....its hard and I dont like it anymore. why cant i just wake up one day and everything is the way i want it to be. Im tired, but not really. I guess im just tired on not having everyone i love be with me! I feel like im about to start this crazy new adventure, and i can't wait. everything is new and its a bit scary but i think it will be life changing and amazing!

CRAZY

CRAZY SHIZ HAS GONE DOWN!!!!! life as i know it could be changing ridiculously very soon :) BUT ITS GOOD!!!!! AHHHH God is good!!!!!